Detested
by Unconsciously Aware
Summary: My life wasn't ever considered important to me. If anything, it was detested. Every royal family wants a son as a firstborn and because I, a girl, was born instead, I was frowned upon by everyone... Inu-Kag; Rated M for later chapters; more info inside.
1. Detested

**I don't own Inuyasha.**

**Chapter One: Detested**

My life wasn't ever considered important to me. If anything, it was detested. Every royal family wants a son as a firstborn and because I, a girl, was born instead, I was frowned upon by everyone. My birth left my mother an invalid so there wasn't an option to try for a son. My day of birth wasn't ever celebrated and throughout the village, it was a day of loss - for the boy they could've had, if not for my interference.

And I believed them. It was my fault I was born. Looking back, I believe the only people who really tried (in the least) to care were my mother and my nanny.

I was disobedient and I was rash. I didn't think about was I was going to do or say - I just did it. I was despised by my governess, for she believed that being born a girl firstborn in a royal family was a sin, and that I was mischievous was something that told her I was to be punished for my mistakes.

In my eight years of life, I'd never been given a gift. I was alive but invisible. To speak only when spoken to. I was given the best education only to be out of sight of my father. Proper and graceful and resigned was how I was taught to be.

By the time I was eleven, on my way to finishing school, I was noticing more and more attention from the boys around the village. I was flattered, of course, that anyone would show any attention to me, no matter what the reason, but something so illogical never meant anything to me.

How I longed to laugh! How I longed to be happy! The silly bedtime stories my nanny read to me about love and smiles and laughter seemed childish and unreal. I was holding the mind of a woman by the time I was thirteen. Life had no point. In my world, it was the circle of death. You're born, you live, you die. Laughter and happiness was a fable; it was a lie. There was no point to why I was even alive.

During finishing school I was best at dancing, playing the piano, and singing. My English and French were practiced to perfection. The time went by faster than I would've thought, and when I reached the age of sixteen, I finished the rest of my semester and returned to the village.

* * *

"How was school, daughter?" The King turned to me. He'd said 'daughter' like it was poison.

"It was..." I hesitated. "Different," I finished. When the King didn't say anything more to me, I returned to eating the food in front of me. No one spoke for the rest of the meal which was annoying. What did I do? What did I do to deserve this unfairness? I wanted to scream at the King who hated to admit I was his offspring. I wanted to run from my numb state I was absorbed in. This was a prison. And I was trapped.

We supped and afterwards I made my way up the staircase, my left hand gripping the banister. I hoped someone would see and acknowledge the fact that I wasn't useless anymore, preferably someone like my father or mother. When I got up the winding staircase that led to my room, I paused when I opened the door. I heard the King's loud, booming voice from below.

"Well, we won't have any trouble finding a suitable match for her, at least." I frowned. So I was supposed to be shipped off and married? Indeed.

"She is the heir, after all," my mother's soft voice was hard to hear from this height. I sighed. The man was to come here.

A new feeling erupted in me then. It was anger. I was angered that they'd decided to be the ones to pick out my husband. I _wanted _to feel the emotion of love. All my life hatred, anger, and gloom was all I knew of.

When my parents left the kitchen I opened my door and went in. I ran straight to the books in my closet of Romeo and Juliet, of A Midsummer Night's Dream. The tragic love stories of Shakespeare - I read them all - before falling asleep exhausted.

* * *

When I woke up I rang the bell on the side of my bed and exactly one minute later, a maid came in.

She rushed over to the fire, muttering an apology that she'd 'forgotten' to put a fire in the fireplace last night. I knew she didn't forget, but I accepted her apology with all the grace I could.

The maid shuffled me over behind the screen and undressed me. She mumbled something like, "You're father bought a new dress for you to try on, from London." The maid pulled out a box from inside my closet and set it on the bed. She lifted the top of it off and murmured a form of admiration at the creation. I agreed fervently. The dress was a pure green color, like my eyes. It was a low cut, but only to show a respectable amount of cleavage and it flowed out when it hit the waist. It went to mid-sleeve and it had small ruffles along the end of the sleeves. The bodice was crossed with white lace and a white crone[kerown], which is a type of fashionable bonnet, except it only covers half of your head.

The maid laced up my corset and fit the dress on. Hesitantly, the maid praised the way it looked on me. "It makes your eyes sparkle wonderfully," she said softly. I could see by the look on her face that she didn't want to praise me. Me, a blueblooded female. I smiled back at her faintly.

"Thank you." I twirled in the mirror. But it was true. My eyes glowed. I wasn't wearing the crone because it wasn't essential to do so in Ierronet[iron-ay]. My hair was fashioned down in ringlets that cascaded down my shoulders to my mid-stomach. My hair was dark - almost black. I got his from the King who had extraordinarily black hair, which my mother had a golden brown color. In the sun, you could see the gold-ish copper colored highlights of her hair in mine.

My face was heart-shaped with quite pale skin. My nose was small and slightly turned up... somewhat button-like. My eyes were almond-shaped and were framed with long, thick dark lashes. My eyebrows were dark and had a well-defined arch. My lips were a light cherry pink while my teeth were shockingly white and straight (compared to others).

I inherited my highlights, eye color, and good-looks from my mother while the King had only given me his dark coloring.

I wasn't what you would call pretty. But I knew there was something in my face that was beautifully captivating. I wasn't like any of those 'fair maidens' and all boys -and girls- knew it. The men were entranced by it while girls were enraged with jealousy by it. I could see it on their faces as I went to church that morning. All of them thinking, 'But _she's_ a firstborn!' I could feel them with their spitting anger at me, and all I wanted to do was disappear from them. I know they hate me, but it wasn't as if I love them either.

My face was what my mother had called naive, innocent, and gorgeous. I asked her what that meant and she replied with 'something way beyond beautiful.' I couldn't exactly imagine that, but I accepted her praise. I had a love for life, she said. I wanted to laugh at her for that, but I couldn't. How could I love life when all I've ever held or felt was hatred?

I sat through church, listening to the sermon unconsciously. Normally I drift off when the talking starts. I don't like listening to nonsense. God loves everyone? I knew for a fact everyone hates me.

The singing part was the only fun I had during church. My voice was a steady and unique one, and like everything, my mamma told me it had charm.

We made our way to our carriage in silence and there was no conversation on the way back to Vedile[veh-deal-ay] Hall. I stared out the window, watching the vineyards and pastures go by. Back at home we ate out luncheon. This was done very quietly, and all you could hear was the spoon against the cup while stirring tea.

Finally I was excused to go to my room. I hated silence. Becoming bored with myself, I rang the bell beside my bed. The maid appeared flushed in my room. I told her:

"Go and fetch my riding habit, please. I would like to go out before the evening service."

"Yes'm," she replied, and left to get the clothes from my closet. She came back fairly quickly and I walked behind the screen so she could dress me.

It was a light blue habit which fit my small figure perfectly. After she'd piled my hair atop my head in clips I made my way down to the stables, but not forgetting to bring the matching blue hat so the sun wouldn't get in my eyes.

I told the stable boy closest to me to fix my horse for a ride. He complied and brought the horse out of the stone stable. I grabbed the bridle and when the boy offered me his knee to climb onto the horse I declined.

"Thank you, but I think I'm going to walk a bit first." I acknowledged the stable boy, smiling. He blinked several times before going back into the stables.

"No-no problem, miss," He stumbled away.

I sighed into the fresh air and walked away from the stables and over the grassy meadow to the forest trail. I looked around before getting on my horse. I hated the side-saddle I was supposed to do, being 'proper'; so that's why I have to make sure no one sees me get on, or they would say something to reprove me.

I rolled my eyes at the thought and flicked the bridle. My brown mare sated an even trot though the brush, then as I squeezed on its sides, it started a canter.

Finally, I came to the peaceful meadow I always used to go to when I was young. I breathed in the untouched air and closed my eyes after bringing my horse to a stop on a hill. This was really the only thing I cared about. A meadow.

I looked over the hill to the sea and tied my horse to a branch on the closest tree near the wood. He whinnied in protest but obeyed when I patted him.

After making sure my knots stayed when I pulled I walked back to the highest part on the hill and closed my eyes while I laid down on my back. I could feel the heat of the sun on my eyelids, my fingers, my lips, my cheeks...

This place was my refuge, my escape of my never-yielding prison.

Suddenly I could sense a presence so I opened my eyes with a start. Big, amber eyes stared back at me. I yelped and scrambled back. He also looked somewhat shaken by my movements and immediately apologized, going to his feet.

"It's alright," I told him, hearing my heart pound though my chest. Then I frowned as I got up. "Why are you here?" I didn't know of anyone who knew of this place and took advantage of it.

"Well, I was sitting at the bottom of this hill watching the ocean when I heard your horse." His eyes flickered to the mare, then back at me. My breath caught in my throat as we stared at each other evenly. His amber-coloured eyes were penetrating and I didn't want to be the one to look away.

After a moment I gave up and looked away. "Oh," I murmured and then, "do you come from around here?"

I think he noticed something about my proper English, but he didn't stop staring. It was rude to stare at royalty, but I suspected he was thinking like everyone else. I shouldn't be treated like other royalty. To my surprise and-although I don't like to admit it-relief, he smiled and nodded his head.

"Yes. I work for a daimyo in the village." I looked down, unable to look at him. He worked for the heads of nobles. I didn't understand why, but a feeling of disappointment flooded through me. "What is your name?" I inquired.

He hesitated. "Inuyasha. Yours...?"

It was my turn to pause. "Er-you don't know?" He shook his head. "It's Kagome." Then I wished I hadn't told him, because recognition shone in his eyes.

"Oh," he said, meeting my stare. I looked away, flustered.

I was desperate to get rid of the quiet. "How do you know of this place?" I asked.

"I stumbled upon it once," Inuyasha said slowly, untrusting. Surprise ran across his features as he saw me slump and sit cross-legged in the tall grass.

"I see," I replied nonchalantly.

After a moment he blurted, "Why are you talking to me?"

I looked up at him. "Why not?"

That caught him off guard. "You're... Princess... Kagome," Inuyasha eyed me warily.

"Yes," I answered.

He was unruffled, though. "A princess." He lifted one of his brows in disbelief.

"And...?" I proposed.

"Royalty doesn't... chat... with servants!" He didn't look ashamed about what he said, and I smiled.

"Oh, I didn't know that."

He looked at me, now both his eyebrows raised. "Sure..." Then it looked like he made up his mind because he plopped down next to me.

He looked troubled. "Why?" He asked me, and I feigned innocence.

"Why... what?"

"Why... are you talking to me?" His voice faded out on the last word, and I sighed.

I looked out to the ocean. "I don't like to be hated..." I moved my eyes back to him hesitantly. He was going to laugh. I knew it. He was going to...

But when I looked at his face, searching for the disgusting reaction to my words, it seemed as though he must have good composure because his face was calm, other than the ever-raised brow.

"And everyone hates me," I finished. I got up and untied my horse. I hopped up onto him in one swift movement. Split-legged, the way I like. He stared after me, his mouth agape, and I smiled softly. "Good afternoon." I squeezed on my horses sides, and it immediately went into a canter, away from the boy.

When I came out of the forest I put my horse into a walk so I could swing my legs to side-saddle position.

A stable boy was running to me. "Miss, you best be gettin' back insides, 'cause the mater is throwin' a bit of a fit, sees."

I smiled slowly and acknowledged the news. 'A bit of a fit' was always an understatement. Brilliant.

I galloped to the stables, making my hair most untidy. When I got there, I remembered that the King was mad, inside, waiting. To my surprise and embarrassment, I was thinking of the boy I met in the meadow. His name was Inuyasha. That's an uncommon name, but then so is mine. Kagome. They probably named me that because they didn't want anyone else to have to endure sharing the same name as a female firstborn!

What an ugly name.

A stable boy took my horse in and I made my way into the house, waving off the guards. "It's me," I said, and, as to be expected, their frowns deepened, making lines cross on their foreheads.

They opened the door for me grudgingly, and I sighed as I made my way inside. Picking up my dress, I ran up the stairs to the King's chamber. I knocked apprehensively on the door.

Please don't let him be there, _please_ don't let him be there, _**please **_don't let him be there... I thought continuously. Of course it was a vain hope. A muffled, "Come in," was heard from the other side.

I exhaled and made my way inside his room. The King was at his desk, papers set about everywhere. After a moment of waiting, I was getting somewhat impatient. Where was the madness? What did he want?

"You... wanted to see me?" I encouraged.

"Yes." Was his immediate reply.

"... _Why_?"

"_Why_," he used my impatient tone, mimicking me as he continued, "_D__id you leave the house without my permission?_"

I fumed. "Am I to be a dog kept on a leash?" I was near to yelling at him. "_Am I_?"

He calmly held up his hand. I stopped mid-sentence and he spoke, "Get a hold of yourself, Kah-go-mey." I cast my eyes to the floor. I suppose I was being unfair, but right as I thought the word, I stopped that train of thought. Fair? Nothing was fair. I locked my eyes on his.

"Go on."

"Well," he started, unfazed by my directness, "I was meaning for you to see some men today." I could feel my cheeks turning pink and I rolled my eyes. "So am I to be sold off to a stranger? Please, father." I winced at the word. "You've gone to be quite funny."

He frowned. "I am not being funny." I smiled.

"Then you must be mistaken. I shall choose my own husband."

The King smirked. "How are you to do that?"

I was sure. "I am going to fall in love." My eyes were sparkling, I could tell.

I wasn't prepared for his laugh though. It was a big, booming guffaw that echoed throughout the chamber. When he saw the smile wash off my face, his smirk became more pronounced. "Why, love, dear?"

I flinched slightly, but nodded. "LOVE!" He yelled, then guffawed again. "You will do what I want."

"No." I was firm. He stood up so fast I couldn't process what was happening 'til it was over. I touched my hand to my cheek. It burned, stinging my face. Tears stung in my eyes as he sat back down to his papers.

"Love, woman, does not exist."

I could believe that from him.

I was so relieved to be able to go that I ran. He took away my pride. I hated him! Oh, I hated him and everyone else! I flew to my room and locked it behind me. I could feel the tears chocking me in my throat, stinging my eyes. But they wouldn't ever come.

No matter how I tried, I couldn't feel sorry enough for myself to cry. So I never cried. I couldn't. My emotions weren't there. They were invisible.

Just like me.


	2. We Meet Again

**By the way, I don't own Inuyasha. Just in case you didn't know.**

**Thanks to Anime Lady PIMP [**** Here you are!], kaitlynpope77 [Yay! Enjoy!], KikyoWillDieByMyHands [I'm **_**so**_** sorry. ****], kagome2 a.k.a. me [Woot!], vampire-fetish15 [Well, I had this story up before – like last year – but only the first chapter, as two chapters. I decided to repost it to alert people to my updating. ****The idea was all mine, never fear!]**

**Chapter Two: We Meet Again**

I had the strength to go to church from an undetectable source. How could I not go to church? The King would hang me himself before I did not go. This would actually make no sense, because if I was not alive then he would have the same dilemma. To keep up appearances, make it look like despite the fact I'm a female we are close to each other. How dreadfully wrong. But what I never understood is why I could never stay home for, say, a _headache_?

I went to church, and the evening service had never gone by any more slowly than today.

Once home, I asked to have dinner brought up to my room, and – thank God – the King allowed it. Although it was brought up for me to eat, it was untouched. I had collapsed on the bed, completely somnolent.

* * *

Breakfast was always brought up to my room because it was never traditional in our household to come down and eat together. Usually the King was already out doing Kingly business – and for that I was truly thankful.

I asked my chambermaid to have my riding habit brought to me. I was looking forward to going to my meadow where Inuyasha might appear. Hurrying to change, I impatiently looked for the other boot to my ensemble.

Once outside, I told the stable boy I was going to walk for a while before I get on once more. It _is_ the truth. It is not like I said I would not be riding improperly. _That_ would be slander.

Under the somber covering of the forest, I adjusted my mares saddle before climbing on, patching the belt to the notch I approve of. Once straddling my mares back on the saddle, I started walking her into the forest. Cantering, I reached the meadow in a short amount of time, having followed the path that looked most recently used.

I slid off my horse and tied it to a tree that outlines the edge of the forest from the meadow. Breathing in the crisp air of the afternoon, I walked around, looking to see if Inuyasha happened to be present.

After checking the hill he had supposedly been on the time before, I plopped down on a patch of grass, well past disappointment.

Perhaps he did not want to see me again. I understood. No one could ever begin to know how much I understood _that._ People, boy and girl, noble and servant, hated the very thing I stood for.

My understanding did not stop my eyes from aching from the dull wish to cry. I prayed to God I could be allowed to cry, to have a few minutes of self-pity. But I could never cry for myself. It was not as if I would have trusted Inuyasha enough to even get to know him anyway.

The tight constriction in my chest dared to contradict me, though. With a sigh, I leaned back to lie down in the grass.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep because when I next took note of my surroundings, it was when I was being nudged by my horse.

"Mmn, go away," I shushed it. Squeezing my eyes tighter, I moved my hand towards my arm, which was what was being moved.

Surprised that my horse had apparently just gone hairless, my eyes shot open and I leaned forward. To my great astonishment and excitement, it was Inuyasha. To my disappointment, I had just bonked him in the forehead with my head.

"Oh, I am so sorry!" I said sheepishly while feeling my own forehead in slight agony.

Inuyasha winced but cracked a small smile. "It's fine," he began uncertainly.

In my excited state, I cut him off. "Why did you come here?" _Again,_ was the finished question, but my pride didn't allow me to voice the end word.

Obviously he wasn't close to being shy because he replied, "I thought I might find you here."

Delighted, I exclaimed, "Oh!" Then blushed at how improper I was being.

Inuyasha undoubtedly noticed because he nodded and said, "You intrigue me," probably just to turn my face more tomato-red. Before I could embarrass myself further, I realized his vocabulary was most impeccable for a servant.

"Your vocabulary is exquisite. Did you happen to be schooled nearby?" I had always been rash with my words, and immediately wanted to take back what I had said. How utterly rude and undistinguished!

He turned his head toward the mildly roaring ocean and stayed that way for a small length of time before deciding to tell me how he got so educated.

"I used to live in the village next to us with my brother and parents. My father was a farmer – a well respected one." Inuyasha paused before continuing. "We had good money, and because my parents were never educated, they wanted us to be." He let out a breath. "They sent us to school and it was four years after that when my father was killed by highwaymen." Inuyasha's voice had hardened towards the end, and I didn't blame him.

"I'm sorr – "

"Don't be," Inuyasha insisted. I became quiet, listening to the ocean's waves break against the shore. "Me, my mother and Sesshomaru – that's my brother – got jobs here as servants since we couldn't care for my father's farm by ourselves. It was too much for us to handle so we sold the farm, which gave us a good amount of money, but when it ran out, we had to go into servant work."

Because I didn't think there was much to say about that, it remained silent between us for some time. Of course, I had to be the one to break the quiet serenity…

"I'm not allowed to go into town."

Apparently my train of thought was so obscure that he gave me a confused look before replying with sympathy.

"It's mostly because of the King. He doesn't want me to be seen."

Inuyasha muttered something, and I thought I could faintly make it out… "_That's probably a good thing…_"

I stared aghast at him. "What I mean is… it's a good thing because of the way you look." I frowned at him.

"What's wrong with how I look?" I thought I sounded like a baby, so I shook my head and faced him.

"Well... Nothing really."

"What is it?"

"Nothing!"

"Is there something on my face?" I rubbed self-consciously at my nose.

"Nope."

"Oh, come on!"

"Fine!" He snapped before his face softened. Inuyasha took a coil of my hair from my face and brushed it behind my ear. "You look… exquisite."

I had my mouth open like a fish underwater. The words I had been about to voice fell off my tongue when he got to the end of his sentence. His intense stare didn't leave mine, and I broke the contact first, like before. It felt like he was reading my soul when he did that. I hated to admit it but it unnerved me… in a good way or not, I honestly couldn't say.

Inuyasha smirked and closed my mouth for me, a mischievous glint in his eye. Standing up, he pulled me with him. Thankfully, I found I could lock my knees although they seemed to feel like rubber. He led me to his hill which was quite a bit higher than the small town below. The wind was much more reckless here, and it made my hair even more untidy than I would have liked. Inuyasha might be taking back his thoughts about how I'm pretty. Not pretty… exquisite.

He caught me looking at him on the way up, and I whiplashed my head the other way. _Ow…_

"This is where I sit sometimes." We were standing at the top of the hill now, wind swirling about us in an unrelenting manner.

I looked over the ocean and could honestly say it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Inuyasha was looking at me, but he was clearly bolder than I was, for he didn't take his eyes from mine. Flushing, I kept gazing back at him. His eyes drooped to my lips, which were deceiving me. Stop opening! _Stop moving closer to me! _Ack!

I had never had a relationship with a boy, let alone a _physical_ relationship!

Inuyasha… my first kiss… I could tell it would be amazing to let him kiss me at the top of this hill, the ocean behind us, crashing against the rocks and the sun setting in the background…

I mean, how romantic is that?

Which is what led me to pulling back. Romantic? How could I have tricked myself into believing Inuyasha would even _want_ a relationship? _Remember the_ _way he started when you told him your name? This is a joke. _Stupid! Stupid!

"Oh, gosh, look at that! I can't be late for dinner!" I bit my bottom lip and twirled away from Inuyasha, leaving him looking… shy. I could tell what he was thinking.

Something like, 'I can't believe I almost kissed _her_!' The regret on his face was evident as he remained on the hill.

I sloppily undid my horse from its bindings and literally jumped atop it. "C'mon, girl," I murmured, squeezing her sides. Bringing her to a gallop, I whooshed past the forest. Once to the other side of the clearing, I swirled my right leg over to the other side and brought my horse to a safe canter. I would never understand how to gallop on a horse without proper balance distributed to both legs.

I locked my horse in its stall by myself because the stable boy wasn't anywhere to be found. I ran inside and on my way to my room, I could hear a voice not of my father or my mother. A suitor. I was enraged. Waiting in my room was my chambermaid who was quite upset with me because I was late, and because I, of course, was female.

She dressed me into a new dress from London, which was amply ruffled. I suppose it was high-fashion for the reason my father would never allow me to dress into something less than that when a suitor was visiting. Princes from different countries were coming to impress upon me their superiority. As if.

The lavender evening dress was very constricting, which displeased my chambermaid. With a '_no dessert for you,' _and final nose-powdering, she sent me downstairs.

I did my graceful learned-in-school walk while heading down. The voices stopped as they heard my footfalls reach the dining room. The suitor had black hair, quite long and shaggy-looking, and was dressed from, most likely, the finest designers in London. His blue eyes shone at me with disturbing interest, and I barely stopped myself from gagging.

One thing was certain, and that was the fact that I would never marry this… this man.

The King cleared his throat. "Naraku, my" – there was only a slight detection of malice as he choked out the word – "daughter, Kagome."

Now, what's next? Oh, yes. The modest smile of acknowledgement. He did the noble inclination of his head in response, a sparkle in his eyes.

I was feeling like a piece of art in an auction.

Once I took my seat, my father continued to talk to Naraku of his home country, something like Neravaid. It sounded quite evil to me, and that's a fact. An opinionated fact, nevertheless.

After a few of the usual questions concerning me, like "How are you?" and "Where did you go to school?" the King stood and asked Naraku to join him for brandy. My mother and I stayed behind at the table.

I knew my face was showing how I felt because my mother said, "He is a good man, from a respectable family." She looked to the direction the King and Naraku had left towards. "Naraku would be a fine husband for you."

I could hear my chair scrape against the floorboards as I stood up. "I don't want him." I turned around, inappropriately not asking to be excused from the table, as far as manners go. "Tell him there is no point whatsoever in staying."

I slammed my door behind me. I hoped to God Nakaru or whatever his name was heard me do it.

Jumping face first onto my bed, I snuggled into my pillow, wishing I had kissed Inuyasha. Feeling my face getting hot, I closed my eyes and sighed.

I got up and took off my evening dress to replace it with my evening gown. I kept the light on and reread Romeo and Juliet. After the part where Romeo and Juliet meet, I decided to go to bed. By this time, I was sure Nukara (or whatever) had left and my parents were asleep.

Rolling around in my bed, I figured I wasn't going to sleep any time soon. I turned my lamp back on and started where I had left off in Romeo and Juliet.

Once I was almost finished with the story, I heard my window rattle. Looking up in confusion, I got up from my bedside chair and looked out the window.

Someone had just begun to throw another rock (I believe) at my window. It rattled my window again. I opened my window and looked down. I was on the third floor, so I had to squint. I could assume by the silhouette of the person that it was a man.

I could feel myself anticipating who it was. Opening the latch of my window and pulling it open, I looked down. "Inuyasha?" I whisper-shouted.

"Kagome? Come down here!" He whisper-shouted back.

The fuzzy feeling in my stomach spread out across my body. Feeling dizzy from the excitement of what was happening, I whisper-shouted, "How am I supposed to do that?"

Inuyasha replied with a chuckle, "I'll catch you."

I rolled my eyes. Although he probably couldn't see. There was a small porch beneath my window at the second floor so I decided climbing down to it couldn't be too difficult.

I was wrong.

"_Ow!_" I said, having scraped my thigh against a particularly sharp brick edge. Blood started to run down to my ankle but by then I was safely (kind of) on the second floor porch.

"Are you alright?" Inuyasha was still waiting at the bottom of the porch, in the grass.

"Yes. I think so." I winced as I pulled my wounded leg over the other side of the porch railing.

"Now I'll catch you." Since he looked serious, I jumped from the side of the building. For a second Inuyasha looked worried, which made me freak out. But he did catch me, bride-over-the-house-entrance way. I felt his calloused hand brush my behind while his other hand wrapped around to my breasts. But then he fell over. "Oooof," Inuyasha grunted when his rump collided with the ground.

At least Inuyasha didn't 'oooof' when he caught me…

I scrambled off him as fast as I could. "Sorry!" I said loudly. Then softer, "I'm so sorry, really!"

Inuyasha looked at me oddly. Then he said, from the ground, "Why? I was the one who fell over."

Blushing furiously, I replied, "I was the one who made you fall over." My head was bowed to the ground.

He got up and dusted his backside before walking up to me. Inuyasha was, again, holding me captive in his gaze. "I'm the one who asked you to jump."

True.

So true.

I nodded, not really sure what he had said anymore. "Yes. I think we should, too."

Wait, what? No, shut up!

Inuyasha's brow furrowed. "Wha – "

"I mean, let's go." Nice save.

He must have noticed my awkward shuffling because he asked if I was hurt.

"Mm, just my leg." I glanced down at it. Ugnh, blood.

Inuyasha jogged over to me and squatted on the floor. He must have touched my wound because I hissed a breath through my teeth and jerked my leg away from his hand. "Sorry," he muttered. He prodded a little more before deciding to take me to the place he works.

"We'll just go in through the door that leads to the servants quarters. They mind their own business, and your leg needs to be bandaged."

The pain was definitely bearable, but the sight of blood undid me. I agreed to go with him to the house he worked for.

I just hoped we wouldn't get caught.

* * *

**As you can see, I'm trying to make my chapters longer than I usually do, as thanks for your reviews. I'll be posting another chapter after the Fourth of July weekend. My birthday party is on Friday! Woo! **

**(But my birthday is on the 12****th****. The reason I'm having my party on Friday is because one of my friends is being an ambassador for Italy during the week my birthday is on. Sad, but it's okay, because I'll be thinking about the 17****th****, when I'm going on a cruise!)**

**Update dates: July 5****th****, July 8****th****, July 11****th****, July 15****th****. I'm not sure when I might update after the cruise, but it is a seven-day trip. (At the least.) If I update one day later than the dates provided, please don't be mad! It's summertime and I'm trying to relax while pleasing you guys. ****If I update one day sooner than the dates provided, don't be scared, I must be either too excited to wait, or I must be doing something the next day where posting would be impossible. **

**Love you guys!**

**UA**


	3. Move Me

**Thanks to Ikuto'slover1112 [Here it is! :)****], kagome2 a.k.a me [Yay! & sure thing!], Outta Love [Woo!], Crazy Addict [Aw thanks!]**

**Chapter Three: Move Me**

"It's this way." Inuyasha had my hand and was leading towards town. We'd finally gotten through the covering of the forest that separates our mansion from the town nearest us. "We're almost there…"

It was quiet in town where no one was walking to and from shops. I could well imagine the hustle and bustle of the townspeople trying to get their groceries. The carriage taxis would be hailed by a rushed businessman, coming back from lunch for an important meeting. Heading away from the lantern-lit streets with their white stone walls and stone walkways, Inuyasha brought me to a moderately sized house up on a slope with a cobblestone driveway.

"Cozy," I said, mesmerized by the smallness of the home compared to the expansive mansion where I live.

Inuyasha must have been thinking that this house wasn't that tiny, because he rolled his eyes. I didn't know servants even knew how to _do_ that.

The thought of servants put my nerves on edge because I was finally faced with the full extent of what I was doing. I was going into a house with servants who most likely knew who I was, and hated me for it.

"Uhhm, maybe I should just wait outside…" I was dragging us back, slowing our pace toward the servants' entrance, a small distance away from where we now stood.

"Nah, it's all right. Come on in!" Inuyasha tugged on my arm stubbornly and proceeded to make his way to the door.

I hung my head while he opened the door and guided me inside with his hand on the small of my back. I cautiously peeked around a corner of a wall, glad that it was rather dark. Perhaps they were all asleep in the servant bunks. My heart began to rise from the depression it had befallen at my thoughts of being treated with malice.

Someone tapped my shoulder, and I spun around with a surprised squeak. Relieved to see it was just Inuyasha with some wrappings for her leg, I allowed him to bring me to his bunk. I sat down on the small bed, and it squealed in protest under my weight.

Inuyasha put the wrappings next to me whilst he kneeled down in front of me. I was glad the darkness of the servants' quarters hid the fact my nightgown was thin. You could surely see what would be considered improper to flaunt in public…

"Here, let me help," he said as I unraveled some cloth from the roll of bandages.

I watched timidly as Inuyasha pushed my dressing gown up towards my waist, in order to view my cut. He grimaced at the size of my cut and held his hand out for me to hand over the wrappings. I complied and Inuyasha began to wrap the long white bandage around my thigh.

I could hear his intake of breath when he wrapped the bandage higher up my thigh…

Modesty was screaming at me to pull my nightdress down. And Modesty was also telling me to blush. But I didn't blush, to Modesty's disappointment.

Inuyasha raised his eyes to mine once he ripped off the end of the bandage. My eyes were steady as I caught his on mine. For once, I wasn't blushing. This feeling was more intimate than any other I had ever had, and with that said, no other feeling even came close.

Again, I looked away first. Always the one to break the silence, I said, "I guess I should start going back."

"Yes, I suppose you should." Inuyasha got up and offered his hand to help me from his bunk.

Our way back was quiet, and I wasn't thinking about the romanticism of the twinkling stars above our heads as we walked through the empty town.

Inuyasha looked thoughtful the whole way back. Neither of us said anything, which was new, because usually I'd say something awkward before the silence could get… awkward.

When we reached the outline of the forest, Inuyasha pulled me in for a hug. I was so startled, I stood there more frozen than last night's pudding.

I… no one had ever…

"Good night." I pulled away from him hurriedly. Hopefully it looked natural.

Inuyasha cracked a small smile, more resembling a smirk. "Actually… good morning."

With that, he strode back into the forest, soon disappearing with the darkness of the trees.

* * *

I rang the bell next to my bed and my chambermaid got to my room a couple minutes later.

"May I have some hot water brought up to my room?" I questioned.

"Right away, miss." The water was brought up to my room as I looked through my closet for an outfit to wear for today. It was my birthday after all. Should I dress up? Or would no one remember…

It would be more likely that they remember and loathe me for it. In which case I would rather they not even recall that it is my birthday. I let out a shaky breath as I grabbed a dark blue lace garment from the back of my closet.

Since the water happened to set before I made my impromptu decision, it reached the proper temperature for bathing. I lowered myself into the tub and washed slowly, taking time to get rid of all the dirt that had attached onto me last night.

I absentmindedly skipped over the bandage on my leg. Deciding to take it off, I unwrapped it from my thigh. The family doctor always said to clean injuries and change bandaging. Taking the soap bar, I got rid of any chance of an infection.

Seeing my cut had hardened over, I made up my mind that I did not need to bandage it again. I found that breakfast was put on my nightstand for me, and I nibbled on the edge of a biscuit thoughtfully sipping my tea.

After being dressed by my chambermaid, I made my way downstairs. No one was anywhere to be found, so I took the time to finish reading one of my books.

Being brought back from my readings by flashes through the draperies, I closed my book and set it aside. I walked over to the window and drew the drapes back.

Lightning was dodging downwards through the sky, away from the ominous sheet of clouds overhead. The first drops of rain were starting to fall, and I held back a wave of disappointment: I wouldn't be visiting Inuyasha in weather as bad as this.

Mentally kicking myself, I backed away from the window. Of course it would rain on my birthday. Even God wouldn't give me the ability to see the only person who had an interest for me.

I folded myself back into my chair, most improperly, mind you, and closed my eyes. Which was when the butler walked in unceremoniously and cleared his throat.

"Someone," the butler said with obvious distaste, "has arrived and wishes to see you."

I held back an inward groan as I made my way to the front door. There was a blast of wind as the door was opened and I could hardly make out the black carriage that was parked in front of the steps leading to our cobblestone driveway. The butler brought out and umbrella to shield me from the pouring rain as I went to see who had called on me in such a storm.

After knocking haphazardly on the carriage door window, the curtain blocking my eyes from the inside was pulled away.

I could distinctly make out Inuyasha inside, so I hurriedly climbed in before the butler could deny permission to enter such an unfamiliar carriage.

Sitting down on the wooden seats of the carriage, Inuyasha raised his brow as I took off my white gloves. They had been completely soaked through, and seeing as I did not need wet gloves, I had taken them off.

I asked how he had gotten a carriage to take him here.

"I stole it." He said. When I looked upon him inquiringly, he sighed. "Well, I dressed in my master's clothes – he won't miss them – " Inuyasha inserted when I looked at him disapprovingly, "and told this man I'd pay him when he took me to fetch you from your castle and bring you back to town."

I was starting to forgive him until he finished his story. "I don't have money to pay him, though."

Inuyasha did not look the least bit sorry. As a matter of fact, he looked rather smug.

I suppose I couldn't say I cared because being with Inuyasha was always naughtily exhilarating, and that didn't exclude today.

He watched me as I settled in my seat, trying to look as unruffled as possible. I was dying to ask how we would get away with this act of crime, but I also wanted to look as though I couldn't care in the least, so I bit my lip to keep from blurting out my uncertainties.

"We'll just jump out of the carriage and run into the nearest alleyway when the carriage stops. Don't worry, Princess Kagome."

How did he know I wanted to ask that? I hadn't said a word, I was sure.

"Whenever you want to say something, your jaw clenches…" Inuyasha dragged his index finger along my jawline, sending shivers down my spine to the ends of my toes. "Or, you bite your lip." His gaze drooped to my bottom lip, still being clenched by my front teeth. I quickly released the pressure and turned my head sharply towards the window, feeling a blush spread across my cheeks.

"How cute…" he murmured, turning me by my chin to face him. With his other hand he cupped my face and looked into my eyes. I lowered my gaze to the floor of the carriage while he brought my face closer to his.

Wondering if he could hear my rapidly increasing heart beat, I turned my eyes back to his, which were still staring deeply into my eyes. Then, as if the space between us had never existed, his lips met mine in a whispered greeting of caged passion.

I ran my tongue across his lower lip and he opened his mouth to suck my tongue as I moaned into his throat, the sound reverberating in my head again and again. As his tongue slicked over mine in a dance for domination, he let out a sound of pure ecstasy that left me breathless for more.

Suddenly, too early… much too early, we came up for air, raggedly breathing in sanity as passion sizzled behind us.

As I looked at his red, swollen lips, I could only imagine how mine looked.

But truthfully, I couldn't care less.

Running my fingers through his hair, I brought his mouth back down to mine, pleasure rippling through the air once more.

* * *

The carriage came to a halt and I grasped the door and heaved with all my might. As I pushed myself out of the carriage all the way to the ground, I cut off a startled cry as I realized it was a farther fall without the step on the carriage side aiding me down.

Running, running through the rain. Everywhere, splashing down in heaps as I followed Inuyasha's patter through the darkness that the clouds provided.

Gasping for air, wishing to stop, I continued my chase through the streets of the town until Inuyasha turned into an alleyway, coming out into another street.

Further down that road, he turned into another sidestreet from the opposite side we entered from.

Leaving those streets, he rushed through the next one, heading onwards toward a hotel where he stopped to rest.

My sides were aching in agony, cramping all over. Grasping my stomach, I turned to Inuyasha, who seemed to have caught his breath in the short amount of time we'd stood there.

As I glared at him spitefully, he laughed merrily until he too was grasping at his stomach, hooting with laughter. Instead of getting panicky that he was making fun of me, I joined in, also, until I was holding my sides with mirth opposed to agony.

Inuyasha took my hand in the rain and swung it back and forth as we walked along the empty streets. A carriage passed by, and when it did, he tugged me into a secluded alleyway where he put both of his arms beside me, pinning me to the side of a shop wall. Encased in his embrace, I pecked his cheek and smiled at him.

He bent down and opened my mouth with his tongue. I held his arms with my hands as he pushed me closer to the wall with his body, only wet clothes between us. I couldn't help but feel satisfied at the way Inuyasha's body enwrapped mine perfectly. Groaning with pleasure as his mouth traveled south along my neck, I tilted my head to the side to give him better access.

Making his way down my collarbone into my décolleté, I rasped a moan of appreciation from deep in my throat – much like purring – as he suckled on one area of flesh. Moving to the other mound, he tugged down my dress from my shoulders so it would be more accessible.

It took all of my will to push on his chest to indicate that I wanted him to stop. Inuyasha did stop, but had to walk away, pace around the alley, in order to clear his mind.

I pulled my dress back up over my shoulders in a harsh attempt of modesty.

After a moment, Inuyasha came back and took hold of my hand once more. Whispering in my ear, he said, "Happy seventeenth," and gave me a peck on the lips before taking me back onto the streets, but this time, walking towards the way we had come.

I used my other hand to feel my where my lips had been touched by his, and blushed innocently. Beaming with happiness that he'd remembered it was my birthday – from somewhere I am uncertain – I allowed him to take me wherever he wanted.

* * *

Wherever he wanted happened to be our meadow. Flushing deeper at how I'd thought it as our meadow, I looked up at him, only to see that he was watching me himself.

The rain had stopped although the wind kept blistering across the field of grass. The ocean was more reckless than I had ever seen it and the view was much better.

His waist length black hair was blowing in the wind as my hip length black hair moved with his in sync with each new gust of air. Inuyasha's features were prominent and rather uncommon; his eyes being a deep gold; his face being strong and manly, while being soft at the exact same time.

Inuyasha must have felt the air change in a rather distinctive direction, because at that point, he decided to take me back home.

Again, on the way back, his silence was as thoughtful as it was cautious. Not saying anything was becoming easier for me, but I desperately felt the urge to break the silence.

Once at the big expanse of land, he took my other hand in his so he was holding both of my hands. Pulling me forward, he whispered huskily in my ear, "Someday…" It seemed as if he had wanted to finish the sentence, but he turned away before he could.

* * *

The king was up, waiting to pounce at me.

Booming thunderously, he shouted, "Where were you during this ghastly storm?" He shook his head in rage as he threw an object I couldn't place a name to at the ground. "And what in god's name did you do to your clothes?" He spit in disgust, "You look like nothing more than a common slut! Get upstairs and change. No dinner for you tonight!"

I made my way upstairs, my joyful mood split in half by his pestering. I couldn't believe it – the best day of my life had taken a turn towards the worst day ever.

* * *

**Thanks for the reviews!**

**UA**


	4. Remove Me

**Thanks to: Anime Lady PIMP [I know right!], Ikuto'slover1112 [Aww I agree; Here ya go!], KikyoWillDieByMyHands [That's okay! & Thankss!], Crazy Addict [Mkay!], Passed Future [Haha! Definitely steamy ahaha], Demon of Twilight [Thanks! & Here it is!], Twilight Gambit [Haha awesomme], Outta Love [Yuppp], and kagome2 a.k.a me [Aww thanks!] for reviewing! **

**Chapter Four: Remove Me**

The year passed by more or less without surprises or changes. The king still insisted on bringing suitors from far and wide to see me, and I was growing weary of their 'never-ending charm'. I swear Inuyasha is more than eighty times better than the lot of them.

One change that could just go unnoticed is my ability to laugh. I can be carefree and breathe in the crisp air. I can enjoy it. Inuyasha had done that for me.

I think, in a small, peculiar way, I was beginning to love him.

Not being able to know for sure if it was true, I would always assess my feelings after I had seen him. My cheeks would be sprinkled with pink, my eyes bright and shining. I could only say my feelings were mirrored by how I would look every time I came back from sneaking out to see him.

Almost every day now I would meet him at the meadow, if even for as little as ten minutes. Some days I couldn't come out to see him, or he me and those were dreaded days that I had begun to hate.

Days where I either had a ball or would go out of town to see a suitor. The worst days known to humankind, that's what.

Laying down on my bed, my thoughts would somehow find a way to make me depressed, impending on how I would never be able to be with Inuyasha because I would not be blessed to marry him. Then my thoughts would take a rather dangerous course. What did I care if we weren't blessed? We could elope and I would be happier than anything even if we had to resort to that.

And I was almost positive he felt the same way. Tucking back my hair when it blew in my face on the meadow, Inuyasha would seem peaceful, almost like he was savoring these secret moments before he must return to serving his masters. Always gentle with me, always patient, I would tell myself that he must love me. He has to, to always make time to be with me here, in our meadow.

One day he didn't come to the meadow, and I shrugged it off, something must have come up with his masters. Maybe one of the parents became sick and needed to be taken care of. Or perhaps he had to see to a most important errand. My mind comforted me with these thoughts.

If I had not shielded myself, what would I be now? For the next day he didn't show either.

Chilled, hoping he would show this time, I saddled my mare and swung myself atop the horse. I side-saddled until we reached the forest. I then galloped with one leg on each side until I reached the meadow.

Relief swept through me, washing over me beautifully. He was here. Inuyasha.

My joy way short lived when I saw his distressed look. I ran to him and he caught me in his arms. "Hello, Kagome," he murmured before releasing me.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't here yesterday, or…" he shook his head. "I am going to be gone from tomorrow until Saturday." That was three days' time. How was I to last that long when I had nearly undid myself for two days. Perhaps knowing will calm my senses more than when I hadn't known. What a day. It started out well enough, finding out that it was indeed just because he had had some errands to attend to, but then hearing that he would be gone for another _three _days made it plummet once more.

I berated myself for becoming so needy all of a sudden. Just because he is _the only one _that cares about you doesn't mean he wants you to throw yourself at him, I thought to myself. Don't get too excited, or you'll lose him.

Too late for that, I suppose.

* * *

During the first day, I happened to busy myself with cleaning myself in hot water to start off the day. I chose a demure gown with frills on the arms and opening for the legs and neck area. It wasn't a blue that suited me as well as the color azure does, but Inuyasha wasn't going to see it anyways, so I didn't mind.

A suitor would be visiting today, the king had gone out of his way to tell me this morning before leaving to do whatever he does.

I inwardly rolled my eyes at him in distaste before returning to ribboning a hat I happened to like with a ribbon that matched the color blue I wore.

Outside, I took my time in gardening a few plants. I picked a handful of flowers to put in a vase back inside.

It was a nice mixture and smelled beautiful. I grinned secretly to myself, thinking that Inuyasha smelled better than all flowers combined.

Humming, I cut off the ends of the flowers before placing them in a vase with warm water.

The suitor's name was Kouga. He had beachy brown hair that flopped into his eyes and was pulled back into a long ponytail. His outfit complimented him better than Narasu's had, or whatever his name was. I had forgotten, it was such a long time ago that his visits had diminished.

I had actually seen Kouga two times before, so it had surprised me that he showed up another time.

Usually suitors would visit twice, then be gone because I never showed much interest in any of them. Nasaku had visited a total of seven times, the stubborn man.

Naturally, Kouga was handsome and well-built, but my interest laid elsewhere. Nonetheless, I greeted him with fluid politeness and serenity.

I do hope he got the memo of my 'Leave now' sign literally hanging above my head.

Because he didn't seem to be going anywhere soon, I made myself comfortable in the chair across from him at the table.

Consversationally he was an excellent speaker and got along with the king well enough, unlike my other suitors who seemed like best friends with him. This made me like him more than all the others, but was still bottom-ranked when compared with Inuyasha.

* * *

The next day, I got a letter, which wasn't completely odd because I did happen to get letters from time to time, some from suitors, others from relatives in an effort to be polite.

It read: _To Princess Kagome Higurashi _on the front.

I decided it was odd there was no 'from' name and made my way to my room before opening it.

It took a while to find my envelope opener which happened to be on the floor next to my dresser, but once I got it I took the time to open the letter cleanly and neatly.

The parchment inside was small and only had words written on it on one side. Usually when writing a letter it was because of something important and it took many words to say. It might not be the case for this one, but my interest flared because of this small fact.

When Inuyasha is gone, I find that I become entertained by the smallest of things.

_Dear Princess Kagome Higurashi,_

_This letter is going to be short. I would not be stupid enough to add that it will be sweet, because I'm guessing from your perspective it will not be._

Taking the time to pause, I closed my eyes in an effort to regroup. I knew I wanted to read on, but I was just being scared. What was this?

Never had I come across anything so… Careless? Rude? …

_I know about everything. That boy you have been seeing, Inuyasha, is not everything you think he is. I will explain. I am Kikyo Onded. I work for the same people your Inuyasha works for so I suppose you could say I know him better than you._

My heartbeat was increasing with every word I read. Dare I read on? Whether or not I dared, I continued…

_You must know that faithfulness does not exist, at least in Inuyasha. He tells me all about you, how you have money, how we will someday run away with eachother. If I told you I was sorry I would be lying desperately. I'm in no way sorry and as a matter of fact, you should come to the house Inuyasha works for. You remember it don't you? It's the one… Nevermind, I know you remember. You love Inuyasha, how could you forget? I do hope this changes things. The doors will be locked but the windows will not be covered. _

That was it. No signing, nothing. I was gripping the edge of my desk in an attempt to calm down.

To no avail. I leaned my head down against the desk. The cool wood soothed my burning forehead, and I stayed like that for a while.

Thinking.

Hurting…

What is it? Is there something so horrible… I shuddered and closed off the thought before it ran away with me. She was exaggerating.

This Kikyo… how could I trust her anyways? I didn't know her.

Yes. She's lying.

But I knew I would still go to see what she wanted me to.

* * *

I was disgusted with myself. I couldn't stop myself from going. I wished it was a lie; that it wasn't important - I shouldn't worry about it. But then why would Kikyo write to me if it wasn't important in the first place?

My mind was spinning me around and around, back and forth.

Finally, I reached his house from sneaking out of mine. Indeed Kikyo wasn't lying when she said the doors would be locked.

I hadn't tried the front door of course, but I did happen to try the door me and Inuyasha had entered from that first time when I had hurt my leg. Walking around the house, I was searching for a window to look for.

I hope Kikyo hadn't expected me to climb onto the second floor to see into a window on that floor, but luckily it didn't come to that.

I finally came to a window, one that looked into the room where me and Inuyasha had been when he'd wrapped my leg in a bandage.

But I barely registered this, because right in the middle of the floor was Inuyasha. And a woman.

I'm guessing she was Kikyo, but I didn't think of anything as far as that. Because her clothes were off. All of them.

Nothing was covering her.

He had his shirt off and it looked as if she was working his pants off, too. I backed away from the window, and ducked when Inuyasha looked as though he was pulling his head up to look in my direction.

I ran. I couldn't feel. I couldn't hope to feel. I wished, I wished so bad that I could cry, cry out my hatred to the world for being so unjust.

Nothing was fair.

I shouldn't have believed. Oh, god, how I realized that I was deep, so deeply in love with him when my heart felt as though it ripped itself from my chest.

I could feel it pounding in my ears, a loud thump thump, thump thump. Faster and faster, as if it was running away from me.

I ran towards the forest, away from the busy streets, away from where Inuyasha had held me in our meadow. I kicked the ground there, stumbled and fell on the floor. Pathetic.

_Get up._

I swallowed the lump in my throat and ran from the meadow. I would never return.

My dress snagged on a bush and ripped upwards to my waist.

Did I notice? I'm not sure.

My vision was blurry. Odd, because my eyes were clear, without tears.

Dry, so dry...

I didn't want to see him ever again. I made my way to the house where I lived and walked up the steps into my room. Everything was hard; it was hard to move away from the meadow, away from the truth.

But I had to. I had to extract myself from the meadow, from him. From everything. To forget.

Numbing myself to the world, so numb.

Gripping the rail with a fierceness that wasn't necessary, I opened my door. Stepping inside, I closed the door behind me with white knuckles.

Everything was exaggerated. I was exaggerating. This was a dream. A picture not of reality, and I would wake up, be thankful, and make my way into Inuyasha's arms.

I pushed myself to stop pretending.

Reality was before me, calling my name, urging me forward.

Urging me to my soft, warm bed.

I was beginning to feel, and I couldn't, wouldn't, allow myself to feel.

Drifting off into a world where Inuyasha and I could be, becoming something greater than anything.

Nothing was real.

In this world, pigs could fly and birds could speak. In this world, this dreamworld, I could believe in hope, in destiny, and in love.

In reality, I would never believe again.

* * *

**Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for missing my last update date, it was the day before my birthday and something came up! But I decided to update this one date earlier from the next update date, so don't be to mad! I'll be gone until the 25****th**** so expect an update during the next five days after I get back. Thank you for being patient, all!**

**UA**


	5. Forget

I haven't gotten up from my bed in forever. I can't remember the last time I had something to eat. Never mind, I do remember. The last time I ate was right before I read the letter that ripped my heart out.

I roll over onto my back and bring my arm up so it covers my eyes and shields them from the light of the afternoon sun. It's odd – I don't know how the sun can still rise and set when it feels like I haven't breathed for lifetimes.

I can hear the servants moving through the house. Someone will check in on me again soon, and then I will be able to fall asleep again, and dream of nothing. I can't wait.

A faint knock on my door alerts me to my maid coming in a moment before she does. I don't move but eye her through the crack of light coming from a hole in my vision from my elbow.

"Ma'am, are you planning on trying to eat anything today, again?" She said it tiredly, like she really wasn't all that interested in whether I would starve or not.

"No, I told you, I'm ill and not to be bothered." I roll back onto my stomach and snuggle further into the covers.

"The King wants to make sure you're still alive," she said, sounding confused as to why even he would care.

"Mmn," I grumble and close my eyes. "Bring up some warm milk – I'll have some of that."

I don't hear her reply, so I guess she must have curtsied – or done nothing at all, as if it really matters what she did. Nothing matters, not when it comes to me.

I've learned that thousands of times over, now.

All I wanted, all I ever wanted, was to have something like in the stories of Shakespeare. Maybe not the tragic endings, because my story begins tragic.

But now I know. I know that my story will never turn magical, it won't even become okay. It won't even become bearable. I know that now.

I'm not meant to have a happy ending, ever.

I open my drawer and find the sleeping pills, forgetting that I told the servant to bring up warm milk. I dry swallow three pills and take solace in the fact that I will be in another dreamless sleep soon.

I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember anything. I don't want to remember that the only way anyone would want to be nice to me is because I am a female of money, so they can marry me and run off with their other lover. I don't want to remember that the man I would've left everything for decided I was just some way how to get everything for him and another.

I just want to forget.

* * *

Now and then I'll become lucid and imagine pattering sounds against my window. Once I wake myself up enough to realize that it was nothing; just rain, or the sounds of some servant chopping down trees from the forest I used to hide away in. Once I notice this, I fall back asleep so that I can forget.

Sometimes, when I'm awake, I'll hear a suitor downstairs questioning where I am. The King used to insist to them that "Kagome's just ill," but after time, he couldn't continue to say I was sick without making it seem like I would be unfit to bear children should the time come. Now he says things like "Kagome's in town," or "Kagome's outdoors, getting a breath of fresh air." I think he must've had to come up with these new ideas because it's still the same suitor... what was his name? Not the Naraku one... Kouga. That's it.

It's mildly entertaining to listen to before I decide to go back to sleep again.

I'm surviving on water, tea, and milk, and I'm sure I look terrible since that's what I've been living on for the past two weeks. Hopefully I look something frightful so all the suitors go running.

The thought makes me smile - or so I think I'm smiling. I'm not quite sure, though, because the feeling has become unfamiliar what with all the time that has gone by, time that frowning has been accustomed to for now.

I get tired very quickly. The two times I have now gotten out of bed to take a bath usually wind me, and I feel even more tired every time I wake up from sleeping, which doesn't sound quite right.

It must be that I've been wishing to actually _be_ sick for so long that now, I actually am sick. Sometimes, I catch myself praying - praying to whom, you ask? That's right, who'd listen to me, eh? - that I am really sick, that it is a sickness I might be able to take a break, for good, from life.

I need a good, strong illness, that will let me go easy, and fast, so the King doesn't actually see it in time to fetch for a doctor. Being so close and then having death taken away from me would be too much.

At least I can always say one thing. I have never cried, and I still didn't cry - not even for Inuyasha.

* * *

The next day, the King burst into my room, this time with a doctor.

"You foolish child! Your maid had to be the one to tell me you were sick with fever," the King snarled as he moved aside for the good doctor to begin his work.

The King still didn't stop talking as the doctor began to bloodlet me after resting a cloth soaked with cool water upon my forehead.

"I have suitors lined up for you - we are planning on getting this patched up by the end of the month, and I'm not going to hear one word from you about it, or that will be the last thing you say for a _long damn time," _he said menacingly.

The doctor studiously ignored us and patched up his work. "She should be fine by tomorrow," he said in a controlled voice to my father. My father smiled back at him - in my opinion, evilly.

"Good. Daughter, I plan on you being ready for a ball we are going to the day after tomorrow." The doctor packed up his things in a case and left my room. "Many of the suitors that have been visiting will be there, and you _will be too_." He shuffled over to the door.

"Oh - and don't forget to eat something, you look like a God damned skeleton."

* * *

**Hey guys. I know it's been a while, I'm sorry! I'm in college now so I'm sure you all have gone to bigger and better places, too... anyhow my sister kind of reminded me I had this site so I figured, why not finish this story? Whenever I get bored, maybe. Anyways, enjoy.**


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